Sorrow

I look out of my window
The light of the tropical autumn sun bleeds in
And it washes over my body,
And it reprimands me for existing
My eyes hooked up to the dots
And dashes of people on the street,like a fentanyl drip
To mitigate the pain a little bit
I ran my fingertips over the cracks of my window
When I heard the hour was coming fast
And I docked myself, by the window pane
Held my screams and tears in
Kept myself within the shackles and chains
I put on a smile I’ve practiced
And braced myself for the hour to come
I feel the light plunge through me
Like a runaway train, headed down the interstate
As it’s light bleeds through the night
I hear the screams of the corpses,carried deep into the light
And I cannot take it anymore,and I am gonna give in
And no one is going to know
And I won’t know,until I am far away from home
Screaming, as I lose control
And I’ll try not to hurt you,as I roll
I punch holes,in my skull
I lick my knuckles full of blood
I am tired,and in need of a hand
I am a forsaken whore,at dawn
I try to find my way back home
I remember writing down the address on back of some envelope
I swing from road, to road
And wait for my toes to erode
I feel the wavy details of my childhood
Crashing on the harbor of what remains of my brain
I try to recall my name, and foretell the day of my death
I cushion myself in midst of the pain
And the pills trying to hold it at bay
Here stands a traveler going somewhere far away
And I am a drunkard tumbling over the railway lines
I held my head down to the tracks,
And tried to listen to the distant sound of the runaway train
Nothing but the screams of the pure
And the damned who called it quits
I hope we’re all in crash position when we hit
And then, I woke up in my mother’s lap
She said hello to me
And as though she was speaking through a thick haze
She said hello to me
People stood all around me,preparing for a funeral to be
I closed my eyes,I was happy,I was happy to hear them speak
The light of the tropical autumn sun,still burnt in my eyes
Dimly lit, but still burning nonetheless
Beyond the suffering,beyond the pain
The traveler still walks away
I open my eyes, as the light hurriedly walks out
Out of my empty northern room
And there is no witness to my life
And no one to want to watch me smile
No one to crawl back to, no one to remind me of it’s worth
It’s three days later when I get the call
And there’s nobody around to break my fall